Memento mori

I have just been told by a friend that i am possessive, controlling and patronising. And the worst of all, i am also easily angered and all my friends and in turn their friends are sort of terrified at me. I really really don't know how i got this. I have been trying very hard to think of the underlying cause for this but i totally failed about this. Was is because of my bad memories during high school days that finaly manifested or it's already inherent with me.

I always think that i am who i am, if you don't like me, then let me be. Seems that i am totally wrong. I soon realised that i am getting less friendlier to people and lonely with no good friends and no one to talk with. Or is it because the total lack of relationship in my life that i am becoming patronising and suffocating.. Just as the friend as told me.

I am actually quite glad that he told me the truth. Actually i am quite relieve that he finally can say it to my face what is my real problem. I totally salute it and also i am quite surprise at how calmly i am receiving this. Maybe deep down in my mind, i know this is the real me.

I am sad because of all that i know, i couldn't help it when situation arise. My anger is like a submerged demon waiting just for a chance to come out and do it's work. I totally hate myself for that but i just couldn't help it. My poor friend, i actually don't feel angry on him but i am taking pity on him as he is the one who got my most 'attention'. Guess the lack of a true good friend would propel me to such madness.. some overly caring attitude which might sending a wrong signal to the receiving party. I have got nothing to say but just sorry to him.

Anyway, may God bless him too. It's not actually the kind of Good Friday i had in mind. Maybe it's just the time for me to think of what i have done and try to do some damage control on that. Hope by Easter, i would become a better me albeit friendlier, less patronising and loving.

May the dear Lord hear my voice of prayer and guide me through this difficult time. Amen.